You can always find reasons to stay. The trouble, it seems, is accepting the reasons that say you should go.
That's been mulling itself in my mind for a while now--well, more like various, half-formed versions of that quote have been swirling around in my mind for a few days, never quite settling entirely on the wording, like some sweeping flock of Starlings that can't seem to find a suitable resting place.
You find someone--someone who you could see impacting your life in a way that so few can--and you cling to them. Loneliness, hope, nostalgia of something you once had that you're praying will someday come back--it's not fair to that person, but you can't help but project, you know?
For years now, you've known it's time to move on. Time to stretch your wings and fly away, as the tired cliche goes. You know it's time to leave, time to find a better life, to quit waiting for something to happen while you're making plans for something to happen to you. But still, you try. And you pray. And you hope.
You clutch at the fraying threads of your life, things that seem like they will make it a bit bearable, for a while. Little excuses we make to constantly abate ourselves, to put us in the mind set of "this too shall pass," only it never does, and, after a while, you have to accept the fact that this isn't just a string of bad luck, it's not just a "bad things come in threes," it's not just a "bad year," it's your life, and this is how it's always gonna be, unless you change it. That person you've found, they're not going to fix it. They're the band-aid. They're the disposable umbrella in the hurricane of shit that is your life. You can't hide behind them forever, you can't expect them to make it better. They won't. You have to accept that, in order to have a different life--to have a better life--you have to make choices. Different choices, hard ones. Things that often mean breaking off some of the good things to get away from some of the bad.
Break a few fingers to get away from the trap. So that's what I'll do.
