Ladies and Gentlenerds, I know having
kids is hard. I mean, I don't have any of my own, or anything, but
people tell me it's hard, and I once tried to raise a beta, and that
was pretty frustrating. I imagine it's kind of the same thing, only
with less fecal matter on the plants. Or maybe not, whatever.
One minute, you're organizing your
eighteen tubs of Transformers by vehicle type and color
(sub-categorized by quality of figure transformation, of course), the
next, some little newborn nerdlet rugrat who clawed its' way out of
your/your wife's/your partner's body with all the grace of a
chest-burster on acid is jamming Arcee into orifices of your house
you didn't even know it had (and you thought light sockets were your
biggest problem!).
The madness ends now.
My dear nerdies, I present to
you...The Baby Cage ZX2K.
Long gone are the days of penning your
kid up in the kitchen like some common criminal while you overclock
your hard drive (there are knives the kitchen! Sharp ones!
The kid could use one of them to
cut through the gate—and then no one would be safe!).
Made
of ultra-durable, non-toxic Fenethylline, each Baby Cage is lined
with luxuriously soft, easily cleanable, satin-lined Polyethylene.
Allow your baby to bask in the lap of luxury by lapping at their
state of the art, removable, wide-mouthed water bottle—conveniently
attached with only the highest-quality stainless steel wire and
outfitted with a medical-grade silicone nipple for the little
allergy-prone bugger (he is your child, after all).
“But
what about the gate,” you ponder? “Why, my little mouth-breather
just chewed through my life-sized, stainless steel, model Buster
sword like it was the human flesh he seems to have become so
accustomed to.” Worry not, my friends! The gate of the Baby Cage
ZX2K is made of nothing short of ultra-light, ultra-durable,
titanium-alloy-coated steel bars. Even if he does manage to gnaw his
way through the bars, it should slow him down long enough to get your
PS1 black labels to safety.
With
only 3 payments of $39.95, the Baby Cage ZX2K can be your ticket to
financial independence and the solitary, non-committal lifestyle
you've dreamed about since you saw that first grainy ultrasound.
Order now, supplies are limited.